Batman Knows That Cheetahs Are Carnivores

In yesterday's post I said you could comment and I'd write whatever you told me to. Emma told me to write a short story containing the words :Batman, carnivore, sailboat, explosion, bonnet, carpenter, and meadow. So, I wrote a fan fiction based around the Video Game, Batman: Arkham Asylum*. It's really bad and I really hope that no Batman purist finds this. I totally made up a villian. In fact, I hope no one reads this, but it's to late to back out and I promised, so here it goes:

The fog covered the ground between the buildings as if it were a meadow between mountain peaks. The early morning air was heavy and it was quiet following an eventful overnight. Batman couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t the end of the eventful times though as looked down from the top of the asylum.

The explosion rattled the ground and Batman jumped flew down using his cape to the source of the noise. The dust clouded the air as he slowly and deliberately approached the damage. A shrill laugh rung out that sounded as though it came from all directions.

“Blind as a bat,” called out a female voice with a mysterious accent.

Batman gripped is Batarang as he made his way deeper into the dust. He didn’t recognize the voice. The dust cleared slightly and a rapidly moving shadow appeared. Batman moved faster and emerged from the dust to find a woman sitting on a ledge. She was dressed like an Amish woman, including a bonnet; however her dress was hemmed much shorter than would be allowed.

“Who are you, woman?” Batman called out, “Give up or you’ll end up like the Joker.”

She laughed as she looked him over.

“I’m Amish Ann,” she said, “I was naughty and they kicked me out and I ended up here.”

“Go back to your cell, Ann,” he said, “otherwise I’ll have to hurt you.”

“That’s no fun, Batman,” she said as she jumped down.

Batman threw his batarang, but she quickly dodged and in a flash had landed a kick that knocked him to the ground. She giggled as she returned to her ledge. He slowly lifted himself off the ground. He had been surprised by the blow, but he was able to figure out how to use her strength against her.

“I bet you can’t do that again,” he said mockingly

“You’ll see, Batman!” she said in a huff clearly offended.

She jumped down and charged with her amazing quickness. He pulled out his grappling hook and shot. It hooked onto the top of a nearby building and he was quickly lifted into the air. He just missed the quickly charging woman and she crashed full force into one of the Island’s large trees. She crumbled into a heap on the ground and Batman glided down to secure the villainess.

Batman had the previously unknown villain on her way to her cell. He called Oracle.

“Oracle,” he said, “I’ve encountered a new villain. She called herself Amish Ann. She has more speed than a Cheetah, which is a carnivore by the way, but I managed to subdue her.”

“I’ll look for information on an inmate that fits that description,” Oracle said, “you need to get back to the city, Bruce. Joker must have planted some goons, because they started causing trouble once he was down.”

“It’s probably a distraction,” he said, “but I’ll come, if I can find a way off this Island.”

“The Island is sealed off, Bruce” Oracle said, “You couldn’t drive off even if the Batmobile wasn’t on the seafloor. I’m sure they’d let you sail past the blockade, but there are not boats docked there.”

“I’ll find a way,” he said.

Batman turned around and saw and Amish man standing there. He prepared for a fight.

“Who are you?” Batman yelled.

“I’m Jeremiah,” he said shakily, “I don’t fight. She made me come with her.”

“Jeremiah,” Batman said calmly, “Are you a good carpenter?”

“Yes,” he said, “I’ve built lots of barns and such, but why would need such a thing here?”

"If you can build me a sailboat,” Batman said, “I can get you off this island.”

“I’ll need tools,” he said, “but I’ll be able to build one.”

“Stay here,” Batman said, “I’ll get you your tools.”

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With the car I was going to drive this week for the commute to work and back, I'm now driving Sarah and Brett's Chevy Blazer. The drive went smoothly today. I was glad to be back in Reynoldsburg. The bank I use doesn't have a branch in Athens and I needed to make a deposit, so I got that done. Hooray for not having to worry about overdrawing.

That's it for BEDA this time. Thanks for reading and commenting. Next time I post, hopefully I'll actually have something to say. I still think BEDA is a worthy exercise. It always pretty much turns to crap, but I think that's part of why it's good. It's noting things that you wouldn't normally note. Then, occasionally a post may actually have a point if you force yourself to do it so many days in a row.

Ok, signing off

-Michael
*Great Game

This Here, Is A Run Out The Clock Operation

If this were April, this would be the last day. As a coincidence of the earth's orbit being roughly 365 days and the orginatization of the Gregorian Calendar, August has 31 days. Lousy Universe.

Today, I was wondering about whether dogs or cats are better looking. I'm talking purely as things, not taking any other things into consideration. I think cats win in that category. I think they're more visually pleasing, the way they move is cooler and they can do some pretty cool stuff. However, cats are assholes most of the time, so dogs win overall.

It was surprisingly cold this morning. It got below 50 degrees and I didn't think to pack a hoodie. On a warmer morning, I would normally just let the dogs out when they wake me up and come do the feeding ritual when I was actually ready to get up, but it was cold enough that I didn't want to leave them outside for very long. So, moral of the story is that I was up before I wanted to be. Lousy short-haired dogs.

This is the epitome of what BEDA devolves into. I just write about my uninteresting life until I feel that it's long enough. I made it to day 13 before it turned into this, which is a record. If you want to, you can tell me what to right about tomorrow in the comments and I'll oblige unless it's ridiculous. Otherwise, you'll get another one of these.

Time to feed the cats. Lousy carnivores

-Michael

Broken Cars and Shit

So, the car I'm driving this week had some issues on my way to work this morning. Shortly after getting onto the highway, I started hearing this rattling like sound. I thought initially it was coming from the glove compartment, but when I looked there was nothing to be making that noise. Eventually it stopped, so I decided maybe a stone or something had gotten caught up or something and I kept going. It came back when I was in Nelsonville on 33, so I pulled into a Taco Bell parking lot and popped the hood. I found that the Serpentine belt was fraying and the noise was the loose pieces hitting shit as the Revs got higher.

I decided it wasn't likely to break, if I nursed it back to the house. When I looked at the belt more closely once I got here, there was about half an inch of the width of the belt that had worn away. The belt had just been replaced, because Dad thought the there was a problem with the old bet causing a noise. If he'd asked me I would've told him it was a loose pulley (because it's been that way since we've had it), but apparently he had the mechanic tighten the belt too tightly to make the squealing stop, which is making the belt fray. I sent a message to one of my Sister's friends who used to live around here and got a recommendation as to what to do to get the car serviced. I'm just not capable of fixing it myself, it requires more strength than I have to actually get on of those belts on. The number one priority though is making sure that my Dad doesn't find out about the trouble until it's fixed.

Since I couldn't make it work, I went to the grocery store. It is a very rare occasion that I do any grocery shopping. I got some food for this week, but I wanted to get snacks as well, particularly a bag of candy. I was in the frozen food aisle looking at some frozen food and I saw a stand with Twizzlers three bags for $5. Naturally, I got three bags of Twizzlers. What I'm going to do with three bags, I don't know.

The dogs like to get really annoying when it's about there dinner time. They start at about 5:30, but they don't usually eat until roughly 6:30. I've started a new policy of just making them go outside when they start to get annoying. I was particularly annoyed that Orion kept coming over to see me and then would just sneeze.

Speaking of that, it's time to feed them.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

Pupapalooza

Sarah and Brett left for Columbus this morning. Their flight was supposed to leave at six and I've not heard from them, so I assume everything has gone to plan. Since they've left, I've just been hanging out with the sleeping dogs and cats (when the dogs are outside or they get brave while the dogs are asleep.)

Hurricane Irene seems to not have been as severe as forecast, but it's impact is still great. It looking like river flooding is going to the main threat. River flooding is actually a pretty big gap in my knowledge of weather phenomenon. I just know that it can last for quite awhile as the massive amounts of water slowly move downstream, so this event may last long after Irene has dissipated.

I hope those of you who were affected by the storm are safe and will get electricity back soon. In the fall of 2008, Central Ohio was hit by the remnants of Hurricane Ike. It was pretty insane to see the winds sustained at that high of velocity, but by that point there was no rain associated with it any longer. Mostly everyone lost their power, because trees this far north can't bend in high sustained winds and our power grid is designed to deal with sustained high winds. Most of the areas north of the Carolinas have that same dilemma with this storm. I can't imagine what it would be like with something that's still at Hurricane strength with rain.

I did a post at my often negelected sports-specific blog today about why I don't like the MLS playoffs. Here it is: http://pastasaladtacklefootball.blogspot.com/2011/08/mls-playoffs.html

Thanks for reading

-Michael

I'm Not Talking to Emma Anymore

So, the attempt to find the game at BW3s didn't work out. It just lead to a poor, clueless bartender running around the restaurant trying to find out whether they could get the game. We came back here and I found a stream only to find the Crew down 2-0, which quickly became 3-0 and it just got worse from there.

The car I'll be driving for this week has a tape deck and it's not like it's an '85 Buick or something. It was made in 2000. I'm pretty sure tapes were absolutely obsolete by then. It would be better if there were some decent radio stations down here, but it's basically either Country or Jebus. Mom found some decent tapes for me though. The one I listened to on the way down was some Soundtrack, which had some good Motown on it. The rest aren't that good. I'm not sure where one can even buy tapes anymore and it's not really worth making the investment for more advanced technology.

We're going to Salaam tonight. It's a Middle Eastern restaurant in Athens. I've been there once before and afterwards I may have had some allergic reactions. It was pretty good though and I'm not really convinced that it was an allergic reaction. My lungs kind of hate me, so the shortness of breath could've been anything and the rash could've just been a coincidence. And I guess there's only one way to really find out.

Sarah and Brett will be leaving for their trip to Italy tomorrow. Then I'll have the house to myself and these animals.

Also, I'm just kidding about the title, Emma.

-Michael

Slapping the Keyboard Like a Monkey

I still need to pack, I'm really tired and have a severe lack of coherent thought. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go house/petsit for my Sister. We're hoping that the Crew/Sounders game will be on at the BW3 in Athens tomorrow afternoon. It would make me a sad panda not to be able to watch that game*. There was some risk that Hurricane Irene would mess up their trip bad enough that Sarah wouldn't be able to go, but they got that sorted out with new flights.

I got my hours adjusted for next week at work. I'll be starting at 10 instead of 9. It's nice because I won't have to wake up awfully early to make the commute. It also should get me out of any of the stupid inbound to Columbus delays that often accompany rush hour.

Something I've discovered since I'm working at an Office that has almost entirely Windows XP computers, is that XP was just as dumb of an operating system as any other. The main benefit it had was that it stuck around long enough for people to figure out everything about, so it's shortcomings weren't such a hassle. However, going back to it from a newer operating system makes the problems with that operating system so obvious. Also, old computers suck. Working on anything with less than 1GB of RAM is just so tedious once you get used to having so much more. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have a computer with practical limitations.

Ok, have a video that explains the Socially Awkward Penguin meme:



Thanks for reading

-Michael
*And the Crew victory.

Am I Real? Pt. 2

Because of the demand of no one, I'm doing another philosophical ramblings post. This time it's about Descartes/existence and Utilitarianism.

I actually don't think questions of reality are really worth spending that much time thinking about. The questions of whether or not one is real seems important, but when I think more deeply about it I find it pointless. It is impossible to know whether I'm real or not. I may just be in someone's imagination or I could just be in a dream.

It just doesn't really matter to me though; whether this is the real reality or something else. Whatever it is I'm in it. I think it's real even if I can't be certain and worrying to much about my own existence isn't a worthwhile use of time in whatever this is. Basically, "Cogito ergo sum" only slightly more nuanced.


I hate Utilitarianism. Having one's morality based on utility is just terrible. "The greatest good for the greatest number" principle is such a flawed way for one to make his or her decisions. First, it really makes one awfully cold-hearted. People shouldn't be calculating when it comes to all decision; Utilitarianism removes emotion, which is basically removing humanity. Second, there is no real way to know what the greatest good/number will end up being. The long lasting effects of any decision cannot be known, so being a utilitarian about a lot of things really just makes one a heartless being. Also, utilitarian can be used to justify terrible things like racism.

A Utilitarian would've handed Harry over to Voldemort to end the war.

I created a bit of a straw-man there. Virtually no one is a pure utilitarian. Just on occasion I'll hear someone spout a purely utilitarian idea* and it makes me cringe.

Thanks for reading

-Michael
*Recent examples: Having to be sterilized in order to get welfare and "just getting rid of all the useless people"