BEDA Fail

I had every intention to do BEDA this month. That didn't happen. Why didn't it happen?

Stop asking questions

I was just curious

Shut up

Okay, sorry

That's better, asshole

So, yea. I felt like doing it at the beginning of the month, but then after a few days I didn't want to anymore and I'm one to deny myself the pleasure of giving up without consequence. More importantly, my mood has been funky and I don't like putting things up that I don't feel good about. I'm usually willing to do it, because it's something that I like about BEDA. Compulsory daily posting is a cool thing just not when it hurts my mood.

Anyway, I got my Prozac adjusted back down and it helped. I'm still not feeling great though. I'm still having tension headaches. Still am having annoying nervous symptoms, but it is calming down and hopefully it'll settle back down once the dosage stabilizes.

I think I didn't get the job I interviewed for last week. I mean, I haven't heard anything, so I assume that's a "no." More looking for jobs now. I've made a resume and hopefully that'll get me into some interviews at some jobs (the types of jobs that don't usually involve resumes) and hopefully I'll mange to not muck one up.

Basically, I'm really just a malcontent right now. My mind isn't allowing me to be content with things. I've not been content with where I'm living in ages. However, I have been content with other things, but that just isn't happening for me right now. I feel like other people aren't happy with me. I'm hyper-bored at work. I sort of feel like my mind is broken. I don't know how to describe it exactly... maybe hyper-depression or sad mania. Fucking anxiety.

I'm not actually going crazy though. At least I don't think so. I just think things are out of whack and I want them to not be that way anymore.

Thanks for reading,

-Michael