Selfish

This is kinda of turning into an Emma response blog

I'm also really talented at typing my philosophies in cogent ways so this will be great.

So, I personally find myself thinking about the episode of Friends, "The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS." Joey makes the point that there is no such thing as a selfless good deed. Phoebe tries to prove him wrong, but isn't able to do it. Basically, the point is that you can't do something nice for someone else without getting some satisfaction out of it for yourself. It's funny as ever, but I think it's a apt philosophical point.

I believe that there is no such thing as a selfless action. I believe every action a person makes is in someway self-gratifying. The motivation may not be selfish, but in someway it will benefit yourself.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and the thing that really strikes me is how one can perceive absolutely everything as selfish and be absolutely correct. In fact, I can look at opposite actions and see them both as selfish. The most basic example I can come up with:

If I eat, I am eating food that other people could use to nourish themselves.

If I don't eat and starve, I no longer can be productive in society and others will have to attend to me while I die and in the handling of my corpse.

There is no middle ground there. I can't not be selfish either way.

I really think the value of the line between selfless and selfish is pretty much nothing. How I really judge things is by their motivation. It really isn't that one is being charitable, but why he or she is being charitable to me. Being charitable is selfish either way, if you really thing about, but is one doing it for the acclaim and glory, or for the happiness of helping those less fortunate and seeing their lives improved.

I really think whatever you do or want, the judge of it's morality should be the motivation of it. I really think guilt of 'the self' is really built into western culture. Doing anything to benefit oneself in anyway is frowned upon and I don't think that's the right way. My self is as important as any other selfs out there and I'm allowed to want and do.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

Quick and Hard: Michael's Enamored Tuesday

Yea, I haven't posted in quite a while. No excuses. I just didn't have any real desire or motivation to post. My job isn't exciting and I can't talk about in detail. Maybe I could do a post about Minecraft. I'm nearly finished with my biggest project yet, but meh... that's for another time, if ever.

So, yesterday was a particularly awesome day. A few friends and I went to the U.S. World Cup Qualifier against Jamaica. We were planning on leaving from at about 11;00, but someone was the entirety of 'The Price is Right' late. We ended up getting to Crew Stadium around 12:30. Grilling, drinking, sneaky public and such commenced.

The game didn't kick 'til 8:00 for a bit of perspective. Tailgating all day is pretty damn balla. Plus, I used a vacation day, so it wasn't a total loss financially.

The game was fucking amazing. Pretty much the entire stadium was cheering and Jamaica supporters were few and far between. Last year in Philly, the stadium was basically all Mexico supporter, so it was nice to be in a stadium full of U.S. supporters. 

Okay, on to what the title implies. I fell in love with two strangers yesterday. In fact, two strangers that I didn't even speak.Very shallow, or to put it more kindly, very ancient Greek* of me. This isn't uncommon for me,  but two in one day is special.

Anyway, I very briefly say girl #1 at Target. I ran into Target to pick up rations. I had filled up my cart with snacks and booze and was headed to check out. I always look around. I cannot do things that require much focus in public, because I am way too much of people watcher. Anyway, at the near end of an aisle aroudn the Pharmacy, I spotted this girl. She had blonde hair and glasses and was wearing a longish red skirt and red wedges.

I'm was immediately all aflutter(shy), but I know my social obligations well enough to not stop and stare with my mouth open.  That's all really, but she may have scored higher than anyone on the "First Sight' Test.

I was checked out by a chatty old lady cashier who commented on my booze and snacks. Damn right, I'm having a party and you can't come home with me.

Hours and drink later, in comes girl #2. She was standing behind me in the stands. Brunette, U.S. soccer shirt, jeans. Also, importantly a wedding ring on her left hand. So, aside from the fact that I'm constantly too nervous to approach any strange woman, she wasn't eligible. She was cute, nice to the people around her, cheered loudly, and was wearing a U.S. soccer shirt, so I was still infatuated.

This blog hasn't been so exciting since Hipster Girl xD

tl;dr: If I ever have a girlfriend, I will be dumped for my wandering eye.

Thanks for reading

-Michael 


*Outer beauty= Inner Beauty. Think Odyssey

Re: Douchy Comments on Emma's Latest Video

Emma's Video

I've learned that direct engagement with the type of people who would leave douchy comments on comments on my friend's video about feminism is pretty well pointless. These people are entrenched in their ideas, so there's no changing there minds. Also, in all likelihood they're looking for a rise, so, in my logical/Hufflepuff style, I think it's best to just ignore them. Inform those worth informing and leave the rest.



I really think one big problem lots of these anti-feminists have is that they don't understand what equal means. There is a lot of fear in losing one's gender identity in there. The idea, at least I think, that they have is that equality means making the genders the same. This isn't the case obviously. Equal and same are very similar words, but there is a distinction. I think the easiest way to understand what equal means is in Math*. Take a look at this simple equation:

10-7 = 2+1

So, there is equivalency in two unique sides of an equation. Three equals three regardless of how one got there. Of course society is considerably more complex, but the general idea still works. Two unique groups of people can have equal rights and treatment without being identical.

I've think there are two main arguments I've found with these comments. They are actually quite hard to decipher. I don't even know whether to call the logic circular or just non-existent. 

The common argument against feminism that these people seem to make is about radical feminism. This is simply an association fallacy. There are extremists in everything. Yes, a few feminists really hate men and ride around with, "Circumcision Doesn't Go Far Enough" bumper stickers. And if you're arguing against feminism you're probably a white conservative male, so obviously you're in the Ku Klux Klan right?

Another argument that I've managed to decipher is the idea of "Female Privilege**" The idea here seems to be that women get certain benefits socially that men don't get. However, that is really just an extension of the problem. Having dinner payed for or a car door opened comes from the falsehood that women are weaker than men. Feminists don't want to have nice things done to them or do nice things just because one is female, but because one person is being nice to another.

There are also a few institutional advantages that women do have. The Mom will win custody battles a lot of the time. It is easier for women to legally change their names. Men aren't allowed to sit next to unattended children on airplanes. Feminism has absolutely nothing to do with these though and really doesn't like it anymore than misogynists do. These benefits come from old notions about the role women play in society.

I think the most important thing to remember that culturally and institutionally the system benefits men more than it does women. I may not get the kids, and if I try to change my name to spite my father they would just assume I was criminally. You know what I do get, better pay for the same work, sexual freedom, greater opportunity for advancement in nearly every field, assumptions of ability, and a whole lot more. I think I win in this trade off and I don't want to, because I've done nothing to deserve it other than having a penis.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

*Sorry Emma.
**I really hate the use of the word privilege in a social sense. Everyone has advantages and disadvantages they are born with and it just seems to be another way to put groups down.

BEDA Fail

I had every intention to do BEDA this month. That didn't happen. Why didn't it happen?

Stop asking questions

I was just curious

Shut up

Okay, sorry

That's better, asshole

So, yea. I felt like doing it at the beginning of the month, but then after a few days I didn't want to anymore and I'm one to deny myself the pleasure of giving up without consequence. More importantly, my mood has been funky and I don't like putting things up that I don't feel good about. I'm usually willing to do it, because it's something that I like about BEDA. Compulsory daily posting is a cool thing just not when it hurts my mood.

Anyway, I got my Prozac adjusted back down and it helped. I'm still not feeling great though. I'm still having tension headaches. Still am having annoying nervous symptoms, but it is calming down and hopefully it'll settle back down once the dosage stabilizes.

I think I didn't get the job I interviewed for last week. I mean, I haven't heard anything, so I assume that's a "no." More looking for jobs now. I've made a resume and hopefully that'll get me into some interviews at some jobs (the types of jobs that don't usually involve resumes) and hopefully I'll mange to not muck one up.

Basically, I'm really just a malcontent right now. My mind isn't allowing me to be content with things. I've not been content with where I'm living in ages. However, I have been content with other things, but that just isn't happening for me right now. I feel like other people aren't happy with me. I'm hyper-bored at work. I sort of feel like my mind is broken. I don't know how to describe it exactly... maybe hyper-depression or sad mania. Fucking anxiety.

I'm not actually going crazy though. At least I don't think so. I just think things are out of whack and I want them to not be that way anymore.

Thanks for reading,

-Michael

Panicky Weeks

These past few weeks have sucked. They've sucked hard and for no good reason.

I don't know exactly when it started. Well, I kind of do. My medication was increased, because I didn't feel that it was working as effectively as it could and my symptoms had gotten worse in the week or so leading up to the appointment.

So, that was a mistake. Increasing the dosage didn't help in fact it has made things worse. Along with having trouble breathing most of the time now I have horrible tension headaches, which I've never had before. And long periods of anxiety have there natural result for me, which is just feeling bad about myself.

It's not too terrible. I can talk myself out of it, but it still sucks. I like this so much less than when I'm normally sad. I'm on drugs not to be sad and when I am it makes my mind all weird (really specific I know). I tried Klonopin and didn't like it at all. I'm all for chilling my brain out, but just chilled it out for too long.

Anyway, Next week hopefully we'll be able to my medication sorted out and I'll be hoping that I'll be able to start actually planning a move out of here. That'll be the most important thing to help me deal with this effing anxiety.

Sorry. Downer post. Rambling post. Really short post. I'll try to do better in the coming days. I'm having a hard time really focusing on anything. Another system of whatever the fuck is going on with me. I'm also tired a lot of the time, so I'm sort of ready for bed.


Thanks for reading

-Michael

Nervous

I think I'm really bad at hiding how nervous I am from strangers.

Today, I had an interview for a second job I think I did alright. Not brilliantly, but alright. As I tend to be I was super nervous and I tried not to let it show but it did. "Are you nervous?" was pretty quickly asked and I answered honestly. No sense in pretending.

Anyway, basically I tried to accentuate my positive and avoid the fact that I'm anti-depressants and can't stand my father.

I had to dress a little more nicely than I would for working at a Doctor's Office, which basically meant putting on a tie after again learning to tie a tie from the interwebz and dress shoes. I fucking hate dress shoes. I quelled my co-workers concern about me leaving, because I don't want to. I just want a second job to get the fuck out of here.

So today felt particularly long. I went to work for a bit then, left for the interview, went home to grab a certain prescription medication, picked up lunch and then went back to work. In wasn't particularly long in actual time though.

Hopefully, I'll have a second job before long and then there will be a better excuse for these posts being so lousy. I'm really tired. More story time tomorrow or something else.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

Tony Sly

I really do not like the way the world reacts to celebrity deaths. It almost seems like almost a fetishazation of that person. Records sales sky-rocket. Everyone claims being a fan. They become an ideal, a deity, and all else is forgotten. Michael Jackson died? Everyone needs to listen to "Thriller" on repeat and discuss how significant he was in music. I don't get it. I don't like it. People do not stop being complex after they die. If it was quality before they died, it'll still be quality after they've died.

And now I'm about to wax about a dead guy.

Today, I learned that one of my favorite musicians died. His name is Tony Sly. He was the lead singer of one of my favorite bands, No Use For A Name. It was very saddening to get that news from my Sister this morning. In fact, I'm really saddened in a way I haven't been before.

His music is just so damn good and it's still good and it will always be good, but, damnit, selfishly I want more. I've never get to see No Use live as I've known them. I'll never get to go to an acoustic show of his.

It's really hard to express how much enjoyment I've gotten out of No Use albums for years now. I learned about them in 6th grade when I was introduced to Punk Rock. Most of the music, I liked in those days has fallen off of my playlist, but No Use For A Name has stuck around. Tony was such an awesome song writer. His type of song-writing in a Punk context is just amazing. His lyrics were always thoughtful and pretty much always sad and perfect in their unique way.

It's always sad when someone you hold in high-esteem dies. There is a finality to it that just seems unfair to those of us who are stuck with life. However, it is always important to think about what the deceased person would actually want. He wouldn't want you to be all bummed about his dying. He would want you to remember him fondly, jam to his tunes, and make certain his family is alright.

Tony Sly, I will miss you. We will always have the tremendous music you produced and will never forget.

-Michael