I'm super worn-out. I've worked for 10 straight days and will not have a day scheduled off for the foreseeable future. I really want to have a day to just rest and play video games and waste time on Tumblr. But I also don't want to stay at home, because I know Dad will try to get me to do shit with him. And I'd like to think I'd tell him off, but I don't know if I really would.
Do your stupid shit on your own. I'm fucking tired from my jobs.
Something that has made me quite happy about having to work so much and keeps me motivated is that the next day I have off will probably be the day I move out. I really hope that I will get approval for an apartment on April 23rd and hopefully actually be able to move-in shortly after that. I need to get back to working on getting shit ready for the move.
I kind of have developed this fear that I've sort of hit the wall with therapy. And it certainly isn't my therapist's fault. She's trying her best, but my brain is like, 'nope... I'm not going that deep. Never, nu-uh... Imma keep being neurotic.' And I feel bad because there are things I really should tell her that triggers for anxiety, but I can't bring myself to. I mean, if she can't get it out of me no one can.
Basically, I'm working on shit, but it sucks and is hard. And I feel bad about it sucking and being hard, because it shouldn't be. She tells me to give myself a break, but it's hard to break my natural pattern of thinking. I just need to keep trying, because I'm better off now than when I started therapy.
Thanks for reading,
-Michael
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