Friday, April 22, 2016

Body Image

For nearly all of my life, being skinny was my thing. I was literally underweight until I got into my twenties; at one point I was 6'3" and 135 pounds. People questioned whether or not I ate. Food was shoved my way. I put on some weight as I entered my 20s, but it basically plateaued at a close to a 'healthier' level

Then comes the past few months and I've put on quite a lot of weight. I got a new phone and put in my guess at what I weighed when I started using apps to track my activity. I was actually surprised (in a bad way) when I got on a scale and saw what I actually weighed. I weighed 156 pounds late in 2011, I weighed 213 in October of last year. I weighed 236 on Wednesday. I weigh 237 pounds today.

This really bothers me. There are lots of factors that I can recognize: Ridiculous diet, Not exercising since last summer, Mental health, Bad genetics, Aging. The logical part of my brain totally sees those. The logical part of my brain can see that being 6'3" and weighing 237 isn't totally out of line. However, I still don't like it.

Being thin is something that became a part of my identity. Now I look down and I see a gut. I was tall and thin. Now I'm chubby. I'm obsessing over this. I can't not be skinny; that's who I am. I've weighed myself 3 times today, which is more than I've weighed myself in the past year. I'm not who I think I'm supposed to be anymore and it's upsetting.

I can logic my way into thinking more healthily about this; that is something therapy has taught me to do generally. However, it hasn't worked for long. My belly is always there to remind me. My face is fatter in pictures.

On top of being worried about gaining weight, I'm very much worried about my worry. I don't wanna think like this. I don't wanna go down the trail to which this worry could lead. I don't feel like me. I feel even less attractive than I already felt with my low self-esteem having ass.

My number one reason for going on runs, and I hope it will remain this, is to alleviate anxiety. I explained to my therapist a few sessions ago that I like running because it tires me out. It's like taking a dog for a walk to wear it out; I take myself for runs.

I never want to run with my main purpose losing weight. I never want to make drastic changes to how much food I eat simply to lose weight. I hope I'm not heading there, but my thinking is worrying me.


Monday, November 16, 2015


I've taken a while to post anything about the attack in Paris on Friday for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, I was out of town Friday-Sunday and couldn't really take the time/have the equipment to express my feelings. Secondly, My feelings on this are complicated and jumbled. Actually, my feelings on the reaction to the attack is what has my feelings all mixed up. I'm heart-broken that extremists killed scores in Paris. Those who died had nothing to do with French intervention in Syria.

I'm frustrated by the overwhelming response the (first) world has had to the attack. ISIS is attempting genocide against religious minorities in the Middle East. ISIS has committed acts of terror in the Middle East that rival and surpass what was done in Paris. Assad attacked his own people with chemical weapons. Boko Haram has been doing terrible things in Africa.

It's not that the Paris attacks weren't horrible. So many who are going down this line of reasoning seem to want to downplay the attacks in Paris. The response to the murder that took place Friday night in Paris is right. The lack of response to everything else is what's wrong. The evil is just as real in places were there isn't wealth or white people. It should be confronted and acknowledged in the same way.

The backlash of an act of Islamic Extremists that is this widely publicized in the west is profound and frightening. The islamophobia and xenophobia is, aside from being racist, is exactly what a group like ISIS wants. It protects their narrative of a religious war between Muslims and the west. The prejudice shown to young muslims in France or England or the United States is more likely to make them sympathetic to ISIS.

Failing to recognize the root of the problem has been an issue since forever. The problem isn't so much that people are terrorists; it's why people are choosing to become involved in terrorism. We can bomb and bomb and kill loads of people who are in ISIS and probably even defeat ISIS militarily, but the conditions that made ISIS take hold will still remain. Poverty, discrimination & lack of economic opportunities and social options is what breeds the rise of terrible groups. A young person from Syria may join ISIS because his only other option is to become a refugee or dying due to the warfare. A woman from England might join ISIS because she has faced prejudice her entire life and is treated as a second-class citizen.

A person who grows up in a household that is well enough off to avoid ever being wanting probably isn't going to join a terrorist group. A person whose life hasn't been destroyed by a civil war probably isn't going to resort to extremism. A person who is treated with respect by everyone and her government regardless of race, heritage, religion or origin isn't going to run off to ISIS.

I'm frightened by the nature of attacks in Paris, which I realize is what they're going for. They were suicide bombings and mass shootings at soft targets. Al Qaeda was (is) always going for the spectacular attack. Flying planes into buildings, big bombs, stuff like that, which while still scary I don't find nearly as terrifying as what happened in Paris a few days ago.

The last thing I want to write about has already been mentioned in this post in a way. The fear and hatred of immigrants fleeing the terrible conditions in Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Sudan, etc isn't exactly new, but seems to have reached a new pitch after that Paris attack. The hardline right in Europe is already growing in popularity. Republicans are falling over themselves today to tell us how much they don't want Syrian immigrants in their state. ISIS is happy about it too. They need people to rule. They need an enemy to frighten their people. The governments of the world cannot condemn other humans to life in horrible conditions or death for the tiniest risk that you might let in someone dangerous.

There are plenty of dangerous people here already anyway.


Friday, August 28, 2015


For some reason the pretty basic idea of 'birthright' citizenship has come under fire in the past week. Okay, I know the reason. It's because Donald Trump is a racist and the rest of the republicans are desperate to outdo each other by using slurs. It is really a pretty fundamental right in the United States that a person who is born in this country is a citizen of this country and of the state in which they reside.

This idea formally came into existence, although it was pretty much how things were done in the years prior (with the huge exceptions of slaves,) with the Civil Rights Act of 1866, which was quickly followed by the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. At the time, the protection of guaranteeing citizenship to those born in the country was in large part to protect the freed slaves and their future offspring from any legal tricks they Southern states may have played*.

Citizenship by location of birth rather than status of the parents is very much an American idea. In Europe, many times citizenship was only granted by class or by heritage. It wasn't exactly perfect in the early days of the United States. Citizenship was only granted to white men. Then was extended to black men. Finally citizenship was granted to women. With many hiccups of xenophobia and racism along the way.

However, the basic idea is that citizenship is not something only for the wealthy, powerful or connected. It is not for those with long heritages. Citizenship and the protections thereof are granted to anyone who is born in this nation.

More importantly there is a concept in Abrahamic religions, which has become common law in the west, that the sins of the father are not the sins of the child. Therefore a child cannot be punished for the crime of his parents.

The classic example is an architect designs a house which collapses and kills someone's oldest son. The architect's oldest son is put to death as punishment.

Is that a fair punishment? Perhaps
Is that a just punishment? Absolutely not. The child did nothing wrong

A child has no control over his or her parent's immigration status. Depriving that child of basic rights as a way to punish the parents is unjust.

Taking away this right would have another major problem. It could create a humanitarian crisis. An entire generation would be citizens of nowhere. Born & naturalized in the U.S., but not granted citizenship. The parent's home country doesn't have to grant the children citizenship. Where can that person go? They're not allowed in the U.S. anymore, but aren't welcome anywhere else because they don't have a country to grant them paperwork.

It could be a refugee crisis. All because the right thinks that punishing children because they're parents sneaked into the country to have an opportunity (like picking fruit for below minimum wage) that isn't possible in their home country is totally reasonable response to the issue.

Thanks for reading

*Didn't exactly work

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Greece from an Amateur Historian and Pretend Economist

So, as you probably have heard Greece is in some pretty serious economic trouble. Massive deficits have led to unsustainable debt. The Greek government is unable to make payments on its debt and is facing the prospect of losing its ability to borrow and more importantly its inclusion in the Eurozone. Greek banks are essentially out of money currently while the other Eurozone nations work to decide if Greece will be offered another bailout and what terms it will have.

Despite the imminent crisis the Greek government refused a bailout that was offered to the them. The terms basically were for Greece to increase taxes and drastically cut spending yet again. The Greek Government and later its voters were reasonable in turning down the offer. The austerity plan Greece has been under since taking its first bailout has shrunk the Greek economy on a level than can be termed a depression.

Greece was faced with 3 choices:

1.) Accept the bailout and face a worsening economy, but at least the currency would be stable.

2.) Flatout refuse any bailout and adopt a new currency which would be disastrous, but at least there is a way for Greece to recover in theory.

3.) Refuse the bailout, leverage the risk of #2 as well as other things to try to get a better deal.

Greece has chosen option #3 and have left the powers that be to decide how to handle the situation. After Greeks overwhelmingly voted to oppose the bailout terms Sunday, this week has seen some European nations soften their line while others haven't really done so.

The most significant issue as I see it is the matter of debt relief. Greece's debt is unsustainable no matter what the bailout terms are. If its creditors refuse to forgive some of Greece's debt but offer a bailout, this will keep happening again and again. The power-player in the Eurozone is Germany, which has flat out refused the idea of debt relief.

The political, social and economic issues here are very complex. Greece elected a liberal government early this year, which brought in an anti-austerity platform. This government has up to very recently refused to 'play ball' in the negotiations. German sentiment towards debt is that it is a blood oath to borrow money and one must alway pay their debts. Germans don't forgive debt. Germans are stringent rule-followers. The overriding fear amongst all parties involved is that if a solution is not found and Greece is forced out of the Eurozone that it would almost certainly spark a humanitarian crisis in Greece.

Greece holds a special place in the West. The first great western civilization(not really true, but that is the narrative.) The home of great thinkers like Plato and Socrates. The Parthenon. The Gods and Goddesses. The Myths. Alexander the Great. The west has sought almost since the fall of the Greek Empire to protect Greece. The risk of turning Greece into a failed state is something that may be unthinkable to some.

More important than the history of ancient Greece is the history of 20th century Germany. Europe knows the risk of having a nation with a crumbling economy. The winners of World War I forced Germany to pay impossible to pay reparations as part of the Treaty of Versailles. Germany was forced to pay in Gold and Goods. The amount of gold backing German currency dwindled. This would lead to a period of hyperinflation in the Early 20s in Germany. In response to this the German government created austerity programs that crippled the German economy, which led to the rise of the Nazi Party & Adolf Hitler.

The fear is that if Greece is forced out of the Eurozone it would have to print its own money. Greece's huge debt obligation and need to have a functioning government could lead to the printing of a lot of this new currency. A state needs a way to fund its deficit and if Greece is unable to borrow it would have to print more money, which can rapidly lead to hyper-inflation. The badly damaged economy risks a) a power vacuum or b) dangerous groups being able to rise within the Greece structure.

I personally think that Europe's continued fears of repeating the mistakes (very justified) of the years between the world wars means there will end up being a deal of some sort this weekend. The biggest stumbling block, oddly enough, will be Germany. It also seems likely to me that any deal that will be reached will be a stop-gap solution with limited or no debt relief for Greece meaning we'll come back to this situation again.

Thanks for reading.


Friday, July 3, 2015

Why I Oppose Legalizing Marijuana in Ohio

I feel like I should start this off by saying that I am entirely for the decriminalization of recreational Marijuana. I don't really want to get to in depth about why that is, but I will give my basic rational as simply as possible. There are a couple main things that would be good about decriminization of pot: 1.) It takes power and income away from criminals & 2.) It decreases government spending on law enforcement while also increasing the government's income. Add that to the fact that marijuana's status makes no sense given how alcohol is treated in the U.S. and you my reasoning on why I believe marijuana should be decriminalized.

So why am I opposed to the legalization of recreational marijuana in Ohio? There are two reasons. I believe firmly in Federalism. I also think Responsible Ohio (the organization trying to get the measure on the Ohio ballot) is shady as fuck.

Responsible Ohio has submitted a petition to the Secretary of State to get a measure on the ballot in November to allow for recreational use of marijuana in Ohio. It has roughly twice the number of required signatures, but the Secretary of State's office is going to try their best to throw out as many of those signatures as they can. However, it is likely that it will be successful and the proposed amendment to Ohio's Constitution will be on the ballot.

The issue with Responsible Ohio is that the amendment was drafted by and the campaign was financed by the proposed growers. The amendment would effectively creates a monopoly on the distribution and sale of marijuana in Ohio by only allowing 10 growers to supply the market.

The Ohio legislature is putting a second ballot measure up that would effectively nullify that proposed amendment. The proposed change the legislature is proposing is to prevent 'a special economic interest' (monopolies) from changing Ohio's Constitution with the ease Responsible Ohio is having. Provided both measure were to pass there would be a protracted and complicated legal situation that would need to be resolved.

Bigger than the shady nature of proposed amendment to legalize recreation marijuana in Ohio, is that it attacks an important foundation of our nation's republic. The principle of Federalism is key the nature of American government. Following that near disaster that was the Articles of Confederation, Federalism avoided having only one central government in a place as large and diverse as the 13 states were while at the same time avoiding having the central made impotent by the power of state and local governments. Basically, what it breaks down to is Federal law cannot be trumped by the states. What is not decided by the Federal government is left to be decided by the States. This was reaffirmed by the outcome of the American Civil War.

Marijuana is currently banned by the Federal government and it is not up to my state or any other state (looking at you Washington, Colorado & Oregon) to change that. Alabama cannot refuse to issue marriage licenses to homosexual couples anymore than Ohio can legalize pot because federal law dictates otherwise.

Avoiding conflicting laws between the federal & state government is crucial in U.S. government. It is not simply to avoid confusion amongst the public, which is definitely a valid concern. Respecting Federal law is important to protecting civil rights. The Federal government's record is far from perfect on the matter, but maintaining a strong central government with a liberty-protecting constitution is certainly the best hope we have.

Marijuana is certainly not as crucial as say, marriage equality, but it is important for states to not flippantly pass contradictory laws. If a state feels something is unjust about federal law, there is a way to challenge that law in the courts without creating the inflammatory state vs. federal dynamic that is so harmful.

Thanks for reading


Thursday, June 4, 2015

Travel Tips?

I have some vacation time coming up and I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I definitely want to take a trip somewhere. However, I don't know where. It doesn't help that I'm pretty clueless when it comes to booking things like flights and hotels. The one time I planned my own trip somewhere I lucked into a ridiculously good deal, but there wasn't much strategy there.

As I've started looking I find myself particularly confused/stressed about booking a hotel. I feel like everything is way too expensive and that there should be some way of looking to make cheaper places stand out. I'm also worried about booking at a bad spot (either a bad neighborhood or far away from public transit.)

Some trips I'm considering:

Plane Trips

Chicago- The drive to Chicago isn't necessarily so terrible. It's a six hour drive from her to get to Chicago and its traffic. However once in Chicago its a bit of nightmare. Also, the public transport in Chicago is pretty robust and the flights are relatively cheap so flying is definitely the preferred way for me.

The issue so far with Chicago is the hotels are hella expensive.

Washington D.C.- I've wanted to go to DC for a long time. As a politics/government/history nerd, it's pretty ridiculous to have made it this far without seeing the seat of our nation. It is too far to drive without wasting a day and the flights are even cheaper than the ones to Chicago. And I don't know about Washington's public transit; I assume its pretty robust from Fallout 3.

Hotels are even more expensive here than Chicago upon a quick search.

Car Trips

Gettysburg, PA- I've done this trip before when I was little. I'd like to go back sometime since I'm sure I'll have a much better appreciation for the cool history.

Cheapish hotels.

Somewhere Pretty, WV, VA, TN- I don't even know.

Day(ish) Trips

Hiking- Can go not very far and maybe overnight it and wander around the wilderness.

Ohio History Stuff- Because why not.

I also could just stay in Columbus, because there is cool shit here that I never do.

All of this to ask you what I should do? Also how should I do it? Any tips (particularly about hotels?)

Thanks for reading