I resolved to rename the blog. I have done it. The placeholder name of a year and a half is gone. As I said, having 'blog' in the name of your blog is just embarrassingly lazy. The new name is lazy as well, but less embarrassingly so. I lack naming brilliance. Turns of phrase don't roll off of my tongue with ease. I'm probably not talking, but if I am it's either a mere 'yes', 'no,' or 'okay' or it's rather long winded.
You'll never guess where "Too Much Mine" came from*.
It is a line from the Okkervil River song "Hanging From A Hit"**. That was a line that stood out to me from my first listen to their newest album. I like it on several levels. I feel going into detail about personal meaning would be boring, so I won't. Here's how it fits into the song***:
"And she says,
'I smile polite
And I tip and tithe
And I see the sights with a well-trained eyed
But I calmly cry
Cause I'm too much mine
Let me know what you think about the new design. It's not really a new design just a new banner, background and color scheme. The lay out is exactly the same as it was before. I didn't change the URL either, so I hope this doesn't mess up these things showing up in your readers.
So, a few weeks ago I wrote a post about some health concerns I was having. I deleted it in the meantime for legitimate reasons****. I saved it, because I thought I might repost it, but I don't think it's really necessary. Here comes a summary.
I was having a problem breathing that wouldn't go away. Dr. C couldn't really explain it, but she thought she felt a nodule on my thyroid. So, I spent time worrying about what all that could be. A week later I see her and she can't feel it anymore and thinks just some neck cartilage was out of place. I didn't think it was anxiety, because I didn't feel any more anxious than normal, but she wanted to see if Xanax would help and it did.
I really didn't think that I was dealing with a lot of stress, but I suppose a person can become used to it. So, the breathing problems have almost entirely gone away*****. I think it's a combination of my being aware that is anxiety and the Xanax.
The acknowledgement of the anxiety did bring upon a new set of (scary) symptoms. I've written several times about how I thought I had learned how to keep my head above water in terms of my mood since my episode with Depression in 2008. Well, I may be better at it, but I have found that it isn't as easy to stay a float as I thought. I started to recognize the feelings. Late at night as I try to fall asleep is the worst, like it was back then.
I had an appointment with Dr. C today. It was to develop a longer term plan to deal with my anxiety. I also told her about how I felt the onset of depression. Fortunately the long term treatment plans for anxiety and depression are basically the same. I'm starting on Prozac, which should help prevent the onset of anxiety and elevate my mood. I still have Xanax for when I still feel overwhelmed and to help me calm my mind before bed if I need it.
Anyway, so that's what has gone down with that. I'm sure I'll have more to say about this later.
Thanks for reading
*You absolutely will, if you've known me for any length of time.
***I didn't want the quote to go on for too long, but what leads into that verse is her lover asking "what her husband is like?' It's a beautiful song, but dark.
****Here's hoping they won't look this far down. It was because I had applied for health insurance.
*****Except for yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day