Monday, April 16, 2012

Friend Zone

When you're me, most of the time when you like someone you either 1) are pining over someone who you won't ever speak to or 2) end up the "Friend Zone". I am pathologically shy and not attractive, so the likelihood of me starting a relationship with a strange woman is very low especially a romantic one. So, if I am to have a romantic relationship, and the nice things that come with one*, it will almost undoubtedly be with a girl I already know and am friends with.

Having a crush on some girl you don't really know from class isn't that bad. In fact it's kind of fun. Currently, I have one of those on Hipster Girl. Unless she takes an interest in me, nothing is ever going to happen between us and I'm fine with that. I will hand in the final on the last day of class and never see her again. I will have had my crush and moved on

It sucks having a crush on a friend and it not being reciprocated. It is really easy to build up resentment towards that person as well. I know I've been guilty of being upset with friends I've liked for not liking me back or having boyfriends. It is really easy to feel bitter and rejected, but it isn't right.

Your feelings probably aren't as subtle as you think; he or she knows that you like him or her. The person you like isn't being a terrible bitch or asshole or teasing you or trying to play you. You are emotionally valuable to that person as a friend. That is why you are in the "Friend-zone." It's not some malicious reason; it's because you are a friend. He or she is trying to be kind and to save the friendship by not flat out rejecting you, because he or she doesn't want to lose you and having to reject you is the last thing he or she wants to do.

Another thing is that the you trying to get your friend to like you, is almost the worst version of yourself. He is selfish and petty; doing things to get her to like him rather than because he is her friend. No one worth being with is ever going to like you back when you act like that. It likely just would make things weird between the two of you, which absolutely puts an end to your chances.

Friendship isn't the worst thing someone could offer you either. It can feel like being rejected, but if you view it maturely it is just the opposite. She isn't romantically interested in you at that time, but she is still interested in you as a companion, a confidant, a bro, etc. That person values you and to have anyone value you is an awesome thing.

It is really hard to stop liking someone. In fact, I personally think it is almost impossible. I don't think I've ever stopped liking someone, but if you try you can make it less so. There will always still be a part of me that has a crush on Lisa G.**, but the parts of me that love Harry Potter or are best friends with Nick and Patrick are much bigger, because I allow them to be. I really think the best way to get over a crush is to use the mind power you're focusing on trying to get into that person's pants on other things. Take the value that you've placed on dating her and place it onto being her friend. This isn't an immediate process or anything and feelings are hard to make go away, but which ever friend your crushing on's friendship is worth working on it.

Hank Green's Friend-zone
video explained the ways out of the Friend-zone as basically either being that person's friend or bailing, because you can't handle not being their partner. The prior way is always preferable way for both parties, I believe. Perhaps the best thing to get through it is to know that no right now doesn't necessarily mean no forever, but you have to respect the current no and move your romantic interests elsewhere. If a time comes when you get to hook up, fantastic, but if it never does you have a friendship, which is a wonderful thing.

Thanks for reading and please comment

*You know, dates, making out, sex, etc.
**I'm choosing not to link back to that post

P.S. I have been guilty of pretty much everything I criticize in this post.

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